Toilet Paper is Obsolete

Okay, so maybe toilet paper isn't completely outdated, but it's getting there. With so many offices going "paperless", you would think we would have the technology to do the same thing in the bathroom. It's as if we skipped a step. (Even one of the most deficient offices did it - Dunder Mifflin Infinity)

Toilet paper is a third world product. Why? It rarely gets the job done. Let's face it- You can use an entire roll of toilet paper, and you're still not going to be completely clean from the nasty stuff until you take a shower.

My solution is that there should be a bidet in every bathroom. If you're unsure what a bidet is, quite plainly it is a low mounted sink that sprays your butt off after you go to the bathroom, thereby skipping the step of wiping. Not everyone can afford a bidet, but people who can afford one should go out of their way to get one. We are in America, and we are above the inferior hygiene caused by the usage of toilet paper.

Like I said earlier, maybe toilet paper isn't totally obsolete, but it should be obsolete as our main source of anal hygiene. Rather, it should be an auxiliary for after the bidet has been used.

10 Reasons why nightclubs are a joke...

Last night, I went to a night club called Salsa-Chocolate right here in Provo, Utah. The only thing that was especially lame about this club, was everything. Here are ten reasons why any night club or dance club is a joke:

1. You don't go to a dance club to dance. You are stupid, and ignorant if you think that. You go to a dance club so you can literally rub your crotch on someone else in front of tons of other people doing the same stupid thing. It's called grinding.



2. Everyone is dressed like a whore- even fat people.



3. One thing that was different about this night club was that most of the people in there were LDS, also known as Mormon. Suppose you were as filthy as you claimed to be by your suggestive dancing- this place is a tease. The 16-year-old girl you were grinding with last night isn't interested in "getting down" as the brothers say. So if you went to this club to try to get some action, you are in the wrong state.



4. Suppose this wasn't a club in Provo, Utah... you're probably going to get crabs(atleast) by simply being in the room.



5. Imagine the fattest person you have ever met. Now imagine the sweatiest person you've ever met. Now imagine them forming together into one person: A really sweaty, and fat person right? Now imagine tons of them jammed together in a small room rubbing against each other. What would it smell like? A night club.



6. Other than the smoke/weed/beer tainted sweat dripping off of everyone's body, there is not a drop of drinkable water within a mile of the building. My friend who attends this club regularly says, "When you get really really thirsty, you have to go to the bathroom and get some water out of the faucet."



7. Rap music is stupid. Most people never thought they would hear those words escape my lips, or my fingers. But, I have to say- Rap music is stupid, stupid stupid. I could go on, but that is for a whole other blog.



8. White people should avoid the dance club scene all together. Let's face it. White people aren't good at dancing. There were probably 6 white people in there. Two of them were the bouncers, one was the dj, one was a cop, one was some pothead who had no friends, and the last... was me. I could write an entire blog titled, "10 Reasons Why Night Clubs are a Joke- especially for white people..."



9. There is not a single person in "da club" who doesn't think that they are better than you in terms of hoes, homies, bling, money, rims, ride, grillz, hood reputation, etc.
   
   
10. Velour, and Muse Music are right around the corner. And if you are in a different location, a place that showcases real music must be close by, right?